Dad

Tonight my dad told me he was gonna start working  out again every other day. I decided to join him. It was mostly stuff using your own body weight. When we did push-ups I realized I hadn't done them since my P.E. class freshman year of high school and that I had gotten no better. I was able to keep up with my dad during the work out for the most part. Her was very athletic until his early 20s, taking martial arts and judo and entering competitions. He still worked out a bit into his mid-thirties, lifting some weights but now at 42 he hasn't done much. He is not a very big guy and was never one of those guys who just get crazy buff for no reason. As I've gotten older I feel like like I'm able to catch up to him a little. I have always admired my dad and since I was little I wanted to be strong like him, not just physically but emotionally. He has gone through a lot more than me but also had similar problems growing up. Almost none of of my cousins have had a good father and mine was the closest to a father figure they had but I know I am lucky that he is mine.
I know father's day passed a while ago but anytime is the right time to think back and appreciate everything your dad has done for you. Knowing that some people have bad or fathers whom are not present such as my cousin's I warn that when looking for a father figure, make sure you choose the right one. Maybe think about someone else in your life who cares for you instead.

Disneyland Birthday

I came back from a mini vacation to Disneyland for my sister's 6th birthday. We left Saturday, went  Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, and left Tuesday around 6pm. My sister loved it. She especially loved meeting Pluto. She pet him for a good fifteen minutes when my mom finally told her to stop. Her birthday was actually Monday and on that day we went to a breakfast buffet thing where you meet the characters. We met Mikey, Pluto, Minnie, Daisy, and Stitch randomly showed up halfway through. I never got the chance to eat in peace though, even though I was starving. We got there and met Mikey, then I got a plate and my food, Pluto walked over and we took pictures, I took a couple bites then Mikey and Stitch started dancing so we went over to watch and my sister danced, then I took a couple more bites and Minnie came over and we took pictures, I sat down and Daisy came over for pictures. After that I scarfed the rest of my food as fast as I could just in case Stitch decided to come over.
 I gave my sister a pink (her absolute favorite color) rabbit wearing a dress with a gray top and lavender bottom, I made both. I can't post a picture of it because she lost it later that day in Radiator Springs. It took my spare time from three days to make because I had never crochet a doll before and messed up and remade a lot and she lost it after owning it for about 5 hours. I wanted to cry, and still do. I am still exhausted from it all. I walked, ran, and stood in crowds (which make me very uncomfortable) in the hot sun beginning early in the morning until late at night (not the sun part obviously).

My mom dropped me off at home at 9 and after telling my dad and stepmom about the trip and giving her a Maleficent pin (it is a joke by my dad that she is Maleficent) I went to bed at 10pm. That was the earliest I had slept since I left for Disney and it was much appreciated.

I just remembered a couple I saw at Disneyland. They held hands as they walked along, swinging them a little. They were smiling and just seemed so happy. But then that makes sense because they were a gay couple.

Cookies!

I haven't posted my two new charms on Etsy because I don't have a camera so I can't take a picture of them. The other item's pictures were taken with a friend's camera.

Watched a video I saw a while back and remembered it. It's so funny and cute. Baby Monkey!

I made cookies for my dad for fathers day. They were really good. It's from America's Test Kitchen. Here's the recipe

Cook’s Illustrated/America’s Test Kitchen Presents:

Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookies

Adapted from Cook’s Illustrated and America’s Test Kitchen

Ingredients

1 ¾ cups unbleached all-purpose flour (8 ¾ ounces)

½ tsp. baking soda

14 Tbsp. unsalted butter (1 ¾ sticks)

½ cup granulated sugar (3 ½ ounces)

¾ cups packed dark brown sugar (5 ¼ ounces)

1 tsp. table salt

2 tsps. vanilla extract

1 large egg

1 large egg yolk

1 ¼ cups semisweet chocolate chips or chunks

¾ cup chopped pecans or walnuts, toasted (optional)

    Preheat the oven to 375 degrees and place the oven rack in the middle position.  Line 2 large (18×12 inch) baking sheets with parchment paper and set aside.

    Whisk flour and baking soda together in medium bowl and set aside.

    Heat 10 tablespoons of the butter in 10-inch skillet (if possible, do not use nonstick) over medium-high heat until melted, about 2 minutes.  Continue cooking, swirling pan constantly until butter is dark golden brown and has nutty aroma, 1 to 3 minutes.

    Remove skillet from heat and, using heatproof spatula, transfer browned butter to large heatproof bowl.  Stir remaining 4 tablespoons butter into hot butter until completely melted.

    Add both sugars, salt, and vanilla to bowl with butter and whisk until fully incorporated.  Add egg and yolk and whisk until mixture is smooth with no sugar lumps remaining, about 30 seconds.  Let mixture stand 3 minutes, then whisk for 30 seconds.  Repeat process of resting and whisking 2 more times until mixture is thick, smooth, and shiny.

    Using rubber spatula or wooden spoon, stir in flour mixture until just combined, about 1 minute.  Stir in chocolate chips and nuts (if using), giving dough final stir to ensure no flour pockets remain.

    Divide dough into 16 portions, each about 3 tablespoons.  Arrange 2 inches apart on prepared baking sheets, 8 dough balls per sheet.  Smaller baking sheets can be used, but will require 3 batches.

    Bake cookies 1 tray at a time until cookies are golden brown and still puffy, and edges have begun to set but centers are still soft, 10 to 14 minutes, rotating baking sheet halfway through baking. 

    Transfer baking sheet to wire rack; cool cookies completely before serving.

You put them on the sheet like this 

 and they come out like this.

Not much

I resolved my problems with my friends. We actually talked so that was good. Now I won't be a loner. We are planning a bonfire at the beach. It'll be them and a bunch of people I don't know.

                                                            And a random giant rabbit.

My parents divorced back when I was 7. I lived with my mom mostly and stayed with my dad whatever two days he had off each week. I do not get along with my mom. I finally gave up and stayed with my dad full time. I left on valentine's day and gathered my stuff over time and now I have nothing with her excluding what's in storage. I'm sad because I have a little sister who will be 6 this month and the reason I stayed at my mom's so long. I don't see her often because then I have to see my mom. My dad and stepmom say I have to talk to my mom. I do when I go to see my sister. We act like nothing is different until I leave. My dad tells me I have to try and get along with her because she is my mom. Why does he insist on me getting along with her when he couldn't? Why do I have to tolerate what he couldn't? There is always something she has to say to me too. My sister is inbetween school years and I'm off for the summer. I asked my mom if my sister was still staying with her friend while she was at work. She said yes. I asked why she didn't just ask me to babysit. She stared at me and in that tone she uses to indirectly call me stupid she said "Do you really want to know?" All I could think was WTF did I do? I've always taken good care of my sister. Why did she have to say it like that? Whatever.

I'm going to make two more charms available in my Etsy shop RaccoonDen by Wednesday. They are gonna be a duck charm and a jellyfish charm. I'll post a link to them in my next blog post later in the week, probably Wednesday. I might put them up sooner though because I just need to take pictures. The problem is taking a good picture. Well see ya later. Please visit my Etsy shop if only just to brows.

Emotionally breaking down, sorry

I'm pretty down. My friends are so unreliable I think I'm just gonna give up on them, though I honestly don't want to. It's fun hanging out with them but they hurt me a lot. The day of the sleep over last week my friends took almost 5 five hours to dye their hair at another friend's house then come to my house. They got here almost at 11pm then complained that they were hungry even though I was hungry too and had been waiting the whole time for them so I could order pizza and it would be warm for them. Then we were supposed to got to the beach to a bonfire and I invited my sorta friend Alan who I haven't seen in a while. They told me we were getting a ride from someone and I told Alan to meet us at the beach at 3pm on facebook because I don't have his phone number. I waited for my friends and we ended up getting there at 5. Obviously Alan left by then and I couldn't tell him we were gonna be late so he was gone when we got there. Then we only stayed for an hour because one of my friends didn't wanna stay, it wasn't even dark yet. And finally Friday my friends abandoned me completely. Three of us are done with the semester but the fourth still has not (we each go to different colleges). They decided to just go with the fourth to her school but it was too early for me since it took them until midnight to finally decide on the plans and I can't run on 4 hours of sleep (since her class started early). They wanted to go with her so we decided that they would go and afterwards meet me at a Starbucks near the trolley station one stop over from my stop (though it still takes a while for me to get to it) where they would normally get off to head home since they rode the trolley to get to her school. She got off at 12:15pm so I thought I would leave my house at 1 and get to the Starbucks around 1:45 and wait for them because the trolley takes about 45 minutes to get from her school to the stop. I got there at 1:40, text my friend (got no response), and waited until about 2:30 when my friend finally responds and tells me that they haven't even left the school yet. I got upset and was bored so I went to the mall another stop over. I thought since I'm always the one who has to message them to get information I'd wait until they text me to tell them where I was. I was in the Comics n' Stuff until 5 when I bought some comics and left, tired of waiting for them. I get home  at 6 and notice a text I hadn't seen that I had gotten on my way home. They told me that they decided to get coffee at her school and just headed home afterwards and never even went to the Starbucks. I don't even like coffee but I had agreed to meet them at Starbucks. If I had stayed there until I finally got that message I would have been at that Starbucks for 4 hours. They couldn't even bother to tell me they weren't going to show up until after I was heading home. I know "it's who cares? you left anyway" but that's not the point! They waited 4 hours to tell me they weren't going to show up. It's even more infuriating because the friend who's school they were going to cancels on me almost every time at the last minute. It's hard for me to just break it off is because 2 of them have been my closest and longest lasting friends and currently only friends including only one other. We have been friends for 5 years and even lost communication for a year when one moved away and I changed schools. As soon as she moved back we instantly talked to each other agin as if no time had passed. But recently they haven't been so close. The reason they are my only friends is because I have trouble talking to people and even when I do have a group of "friends", I just fade into the background (not purposely). I never get invited to hang out, I'm not invited to birthdays, and we eventually stop talking. They wouldn't even show up when invited to my birthday parties. I get along with them but I'm a quite person so I guess they kinda lose interest in me. It's beginning to feel the same with these friends. It hurts most because with the other people I don't have time to get attached but with these 2 friends I have grown extremely attached to because they were always there for me and I never faded because I'm only quite until I get to someone better, then you can't shut me up. Unlike with other people, I didn't have to be the one to always asked to hang out and force the friendship to continue. With these friends I was always included, I'm invited to birthdays, to hang out, and they come to my birthday parties. It wasn't often that we hung out but we always text each other  or talked on facebook. They're the only ones who have ever slept over to my house. But recently I feel like I'm fading in a forced way. I know they have new college friends because they are a lot more social then me but always canceling and abandoning me? That's a lot different. They've always had other friends and still kept in touch so that can't be it. I'm still talkative and social with them. My heart is breaking because even though I was used to being alone before them, I had finally made friends and have had them to talk to and we started hanging out a lot after we finished high school. That first semester and half of second semester in college was awesome, then suddenly it died. I feel hurt and I can't hang out with them anymore because I know they'll just hurt me more. I'd rather be alone again then constantly being hurt.

I know some people might think I'm being over dramatic and I know some people have it worse but this is what's happening to me and this is how I feel. What is happening IS hurting me. My grandma always says to think about other people's problems and knowing that they have it worse and still go on will make you feel better about your own but it makes me feel worse because I can't even handle the problems I have. It's hard for me to go back into being a hermit in my room because my stepmom is forcing me to go out every day but when I'm home not even the usual method of engulfing myself into a fantasy world of movies, comics, and video games is helping me feel better. But I know eventually I will be able to. I just have to try harder to forget, like I have with every other person that has entered my life. That is actually what I do. I absorb myself into a world that's not real and the people eventually get pushed so far to the back of my mind I won't remember unless they are mentioned or I decide to think back. After they are pushed to the back of my mind I can come out of the world I have immersed myself into and am free to start the cycle over again should I make new "friends".
Sorry I'm being such a downer but I occasionally get extremely depressed and could go on about other things but bringing them forward from my mind to even mention would hurt.
Sorry. I said I was gonna add something new to my etsy shop but my attempts at immersing myself hasn't worked yet and so I am too depressed to make anything.
Toodaloo and make sure your "friends" really are friends.
p.s. I forgot to mention before that I like the 11th Doctor and have finished all the episodes on netflix. I'm going to try and find season 7 online.